Gift-giving is often portrayed as either a grand romantic gesture or a panicked last-minute scramble through a department store. It’s one of those things we all want to be good at — but few of us are taught how.
We either default to whatever Amazon recommends, or we go into creative overdrive and end up overthinking it. But what if there was a framework — a philosophy, even — for giving gifts that actually feel meaningful without being over-the-top or over-budget?
Enter Van Neistat. Artist, filmmaker, and creative philosopher, Neistat has distilled his personal rules for gifting into a wonderfully unpretentious guide that’s part sentimental, part strategic, and completely doable. His 13 rules read less like etiquette and more like life advice — funny, thoughtful, and sometimes quietly profound.
Rule #1: Always Add an Element of Surprise
Even if the recipient knows what they’re getting, surprise them with how or when you give it to them. Leave it somewhere unexpected. Wrap it strangely. Timing and delivery add magic.
Rule #2: The Holy Trinity: “Nice, Made, Thoughtful” — Pick Two
Neistat introduces the Holy Trinity of gifting: Nice, Made, and Thoughtful. A gift that checks all three boxes? The holy grail. But even hitting two out of three can be more than enough. “Made” means your hand is in it, adding a personal touch — a custom engraving, a handmade card, a personal tweak. Thoughtful is about intention. Nice is about quality. Get the balance right.
Rule #3: “Made” Gifts Should Fit in Your Hand
If you’re making someone a gift, keep it small. As a rule of thumb, “made” gifts should fit in the palm of your hand. Why? Because if they hate it (and they might), they’ll still feel guilty throwing it out. Don’t burden someone with a giant sentimental object they didn’t ask for — there are exceptions of course, but tread carefully.
Rule #4: Dating a gift gives it extra power
An engraved name or date transforms an object into a memory. A simple tool becomes a meaningful keepsake. Neistat swears by owning a wood burner or electric engraver — $50 well spent for a lifetime of custom gifts.
Rule #5: Know What Flowers She Likes
Red roses? Most women don’t love them, sorry. The right flowers, though, are disproportionately powerful. Pay attention if she mentions a favorite bloom or flower shop. Write it down. Use it later.
Rule #6: Books Are the Perfect Last-Minute Gift — If You Do It Right
Go into a bookstore, think about the person, and let your intuition guide you. A signed copy? Even better. Always write a note inside. Suddenly, it’s more than a book — it’s a time capsule.
Rule #7: A Postcard Totally Counts
Especially for birthdays. Don’t make it about you or where you’re sending it from – always make it about the recipient. A thoughtful line, a little drawing, something that shows effort — a postcard can make someone cry (in a good way). And that’s the goal: evoke emotion.
Rule #8: A Good Gift Takes Two Days
One day to brainstorm and stew. Another day to execute. Let the idea come to you, then make it happen. Don’t rush genius.
Rule #9: Take Notes When They Drop Hints
They won’t tell you what they want when you ask. But they will tell you, randomly, when you’re driving or walking or nowhere near a pen. Be ready. Write it down.
Rule #10: Stockpile Little Surprises While Traveling
When you’re in a new city or country, hit the local gift shops. Pick up small, unique things — even if you don’t know who they’re for yet. One day, the perfect recipient will come along, and you’ll have just the thing. Think about how special it feels when someone says “I got you this in [insert random country name].”
Rule #11: Expensive, but not Costly
There’s a difference. A $10 chocolate bar might be “expensive” for chocolate— but it’s not a lot of money. A pair of $20 socks might be more than someone will spend on socks for themselves, but it’s a steal for a luxurious gift. Elevate the ordinary. That’s where the magic is.
Rule #12: Let Kids Pick the Gift They’re Giving
You choose the store, they choose the gift. Whether it’s for Grandma or a friend, kids are surprisingly good at choosing with heart — and they’re quick about it, too.
Rule #13: Always Send Thank You Notes
Don’t be the person who meant to send a thank-you note. Just send it. Handwritten, mailed — not a text. Gratitude is a gift, too.
The Bottom Line: Make Them Feel Loved
The point of giving a gift is simple: make someone feel loved, seen, remembered. Even if you don’t totally love them, the act of thoughtful gifting creates connection. And that’s the whole point.
Van Neistat’s approach to gifting is refreshingly human. It’s not about big budgets or grand gestures. It’s about attention, care, and putting your hand — and heart — into what you give.
In a world full of Amazon wish lists and overnight shipping, Neistat’s gifting rules feel like a return to something slower, deeper, and infinitely more memorable.
With these 13 rules, you won’t just become a better gift-giver. You’ll make people feel something. And that’s a gift in itself.
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